Everest

For someone who always wanted to be a writer and a world traveler I'm surprisingly in the middle of both of those goals.

I still have other goals, like to have the best trained (and cutest) dog in the world, and to play the guitar like my favorite band The Gypsy Kings, or to cook as awesomely as Alton Brown, and to be in super fabulous shape so I can climb mount Everest... although I'm not so keen on that last mountain climbing goal anymore, I like having all my fingers and toes.

My point is when you're young and realize that you won't always be a child and living at home and going to school, you think of what you want to do when you're older. You want to do something that makes you happy everyday. You want to do something that other people think is worth something. You want to contribute something to the world so maybe, decades from now you'll be in some kind of history book.

Children's dreams are a little grand, but the main thing is they want their future self to be awesome and happy.

I feel a little bit like I'm letting my past self down. True, I'm done with school (for the time being) and my past self hated school (hated, hated school) so that would make her happy. But I lack the feeling that I'm some kind of proper adult. I still eat too much candy, I put off doing things like cleaning the kitchen to read, I don't wake up on time in the morning (granted I don't really have something to be up for, but still). I just don't really feel like an adult.

I have friends that seem to be adults, they have important jobs and career paths, they live on their own and can cook and and and, I don't know, maybe they feel lost sometimes too. Maybe they wish they had free time like I do (I think I'd rather be busy, at least a little).

So if I'm trying to be a writer currently, and I'm living abroad and have traveled, and have a cute and well trained cat (who is currently living in the states with my parents), why don't I feel like I've got some of those life goals in hand?

I feel like I'd be happier if I could somehow let those expectations for myself go, but that's not who I am and I guess I'm always going to expect more from me.