Parallel Reality

There are times when I can almost feel myself in a parallel reality.

It happened the other day when I was walking down the side walk, a man with a bicycle was going in the opposite direction. He had a large chain hanging from his bike, not a bike chain, but a regular chain, it clinked and clanked but with such a defined sound that it cut through all the other street sounds without blending with them.

For one moment I wondered if that was a Real sound and everything else I could hear, see, smell, touch was all part of some world I had made up. My body would be in a different world and I wouldn’t know where I was, what I was doing or what I was saying to whom, because I would think I was here in this world, talking to the person in front of me and interacting with objects and people in this world.

Another example is right now, I’m sitting at my desk typing on my laptop. Or that’s where my senses tell me I am. But what if I’m actually sitting, as if I’m at a desk, arms extended out in front of me, fingers making typing motions but there is no desk and no laptop. What if I’m sitting there and looking insane because no one can see what I think I’m seeing.

There isn’t much I can do with these thoughts. There is no way I can guess what I should be doing if I was in that Real world, so I have to continue as if I live in this one. There is no way for me to get to that body in the Real world either. So should I ignore those thoughts that makes me stop and think, and wonder, is this real? Is any of this life real? Or should I worry myself with thoughts that I’m actually insane and try to figure out a way back.

Those thoughts don’t happen often, and they aren’t on my mind all the time. But when one of those thoughts occurs to me, I put it in the string of thoughts of the Real world and what I’m really seeing or doing.

Times that feel the most real are when I’m with people I care about. Like last night, I was laying with my head on Justin’s chest listening to his heart beat and knew, without a doubt that he was real, that we were real and that we were where we thought we were. Or at the very least, he was a real person who loved me in both worlds and at that moment I was listening to his heart beat in both worlds.

Obviously these real vs non real world thoughts are disconcerting thoughts to have and usually only happen when I’m alone and it’s too quiet or I’m out in a crowd where I don’t know anyone, which is almost the same thing as being alone for me. I promise I’m not crazy, but my mind is always active and sometimes it takes me away with it.

I wonder, briefly during these thoughts if I’m catching a glimpse that's reminding me that this is not the only life I have and that this isn’t the true reality.

post script:
embarrassing times to have this thought process occur are when I’m; in the bathroom, changing clothes, making love, singing when I’m home alone, eating like a slob, etc.