Wanted: Soul Mate Career

I’m insecure. I think everyone is insecure about something. I have my moments where I’m not sure of myself in every situation, but the one where I am consistently insecure about myself is in my career/job hunting. It’s just something that I haven’t ever been good at. And yes, I’m sure part of the reason I seem to fail is due to my lack of faith in myself- but that knowledge can’t break the cycle in it’s self.

It starts the way these things usually do- I need to get a job. I start looking online, usually Craig’s list or specific places I can think of, and I read about the qualifications I need to even apply for the job. That's where I start to get stuck. Two to three years of experience? I don’t have any experience in this job or field, but I want to try. How can I get experience without starving to death? (okay I would never starve, my parents are very supportive and wouldn’t let me be homeless or hungry, but you know what I mean). How can I get the experience I need if they won’t hire me until I have the experience? The answer is get a part time job for money and an internship for experience- but that doesn’t seem to happen for me.

So I don’t apply for those jobs or if I do, I’m already plagued with self doubt. Then I apply to lower level jobs- usually retail or something where they don’t care about your resume, they just want to make sure you can get to work and aren’t a criminal. I’m a college educated graduate who looks clean cut and seems nice, so I always get these jobs.

I work hard, I try to get along with my co-workers and boss(es). But I start to get bored and/or burnt out on they type of job I’m doing. Eventually I don’t care about my job- the money isn’t enough to motivate me past a certain point. That point usually comes a few months into the job and I start to not care. When I don’t care, I show up late to work sometimes, I get sloppy in my performance, I slack off. One of two things happens- I get so fed up that I quit or my employer doesn’t like people to be late and not try so I get fired. I haven’t been fired often, only 2 or 3 times, but it’s happened. It’s like getting a speeding ticket, you probably know it’s coming but it’s still kind of hard to swallow.

And that leads me back to the beginning of me needing to get a job and looking on Craig’s list. But this time I have another failure of a job on my mental resume. It weighs on me and makes me feel bad about myself. The failure makes me feel stupid for not trying harder at the beginning or lame for not being able to keep a lame job that anyone could get. So when I see that a job that sounds interesting needs certain qualifications I don’t have, I don’t even try, I just find something that I know I can get. I settle. And that never ends well.

I’m looking for a job right now. Am I brave enough to break the cycle?