I found this letter re-posted a few times so I don't know where it came from originally, but it's great. I know it's only the beginning of November but I've been thinking about Christmas anyway. (and yeah, it's kinda funny that the little girl's name is Lucy too.)
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A few months back, the Tooth Fairy got busted. She left a note for Alice up on her computer, and Lucy figured the whole business out. The Tooth Fairy cursed her need to write notes in elaborate fonts and tried to come up with a cover story, but it didn’t fool Lucy.
To her credit, Lucy has kept the secret from her little sister, who still hasn’t lost a tooth and deserves to wake up with money under her pillow.
But the Tooth Fairy knew it couldn’t be too long before Santa was similarly unmasked. She didn’t know when or how, but she knew the days of magic in her house, at least magic of a certain sort, were coming to an end.
And the Tooth Fairy—by which I mean myself—was pretty darned sad about the inevitable, which finally arrived last week.
Lucy and I have been exchanging notes since the school year started. We’ve talked about all sorts of things—sports, books we’d like to read, adventures we’d like to have, even stories from when I was in third grade. For the most part, though, it’s been light, casual stuff. Until last week.
I NEED TO KNOW, she wrote, using capital letters for emphasis. ARE YOU SANTA? TELL ME THE TRUTH.
What do you do when your kid asks for the truth? You tell it, of course, doing your best to figure out a way that keeps at least some of the magic intact.
Here’s what I wrote:
Dear Lucy,
Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”
I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won’t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.
I love you and I always will.
Mama
Monday, November 7, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Window to the Soul
I’ve never hated anything about myself. Sometimes I’d wished I was better in school, or playing a musical instrument, or faster at running- but that’s not what I’m talking about. I mean the parts of yourself that are essentially you. Things you can’t change with more studying or practicing.
I’ve always liked my body, sometimes wished I was a little thinner, but who hasn’t. It isn’t something I obsess over. I fuss over my hair a LOT, I like everything about it (color, texture, temperament) but usually I have a haircut I don’t like or I’m in the middle of growing it out. (and then when I like the length, it takes too long to wash).
I suppose my one secret thing, that really keeps me up at night sometimes, are my eyes. I love my eyes, their shape, the lashes, their size, the width they are set at... and the color.
I both love in extreme the color of my eyes, and, I also wish they were something more unusual and more striking.
I have deep, dark brown eyes. They are soft and warm, they are mysterious and can’t be read. I like that about them. People often remark on my eyes about how beautiful they are. And I love them.
But, but, but... oh to have the blues eyes that are in poems and songs. To have green eyes, or gray, or violet, or the nonexistent but sounds awesome turquoise eyes. Something colorful and striking and beautiful and mesmerizing. Sometimes I wonder if the world would look different through different colored eyes. Sometimes I wonder if the world would look at me differently too.
The eyes are the window to the soul, they say. Are blue eyes more open? Are brown eyes shuttered against the world?
I hate that I wonder. I want to be happy with who I am and what I look like because it IS who I am and it can’t be changed. And I also believe it Shouldn’t be changed. I feel that it somehow is like hiding yourself if you change those things about you.
Yes, it’s fun to try new looks, different lengths of hair. Sure, different colors then too. Oh, more makeup. Maybe a little help to get into those jeans that look so good on everyone else... and maybe fill out that shirt a little more in a bountiful way. Firm up that face, and maybe pull some wrinkles straight, like a sheet.
I object to these. If I object, then why do I wonder? Who would I still be if I was taller, skinner, blonde with those glacier blue eyes? Or luminous green eyes, or those piercing yet mysterious gray that I read so much about.
It’s not the changing of the outside that bothers me, it’s what must be going on INSIDE that allows you to think that the outside must be bad and changed, like a flat tire, with no more thought than that.
Will your life be better? If you were taller, thinner, blonder, blue eyed? Maybe...
Would you be the same you? no. never.
Something inside has changed, twisted, made you feel that the most precious thing in the world wasn’t good enough. You, you are that most precious thing in the world and you are Exactly as you are meant to be.
Or so I tell myself. Doe eyes, chocolate chip, my brown eyed girl.
I’ve always liked my body, sometimes wished I was a little thinner, but who hasn’t. It isn’t something I obsess over. I fuss over my hair a LOT, I like everything about it (color, texture, temperament) but usually I have a haircut I don’t like or I’m in the middle of growing it out. (and then when I like the length, it takes too long to wash).
I suppose my one secret thing, that really keeps me up at night sometimes, are my eyes. I love my eyes, their shape, the lashes, their size, the width they are set at... and the color.
I both love in extreme the color of my eyes, and, I also wish they were something more unusual and more striking.
I have deep, dark brown eyes. They are soft and warm, they are mysterious and can’t be read. I like that about them. People often remark on my eyes about how beautiful they are. And I love them.
But, but, but... oh to have the blues eyes that are in poems and songs. To have green eyes, or gray, or violet, or the nonexistent but sounds awesome turquoise eyes. Something colorful and striking and beautiful and mesmerizing. Sometimes I wonder if the world would look different through different colored eyes. Sometimes I wonder if the world would look at me differently too.
The eyes are the window to the soul, they say. Are blue eyes more open? Are brown eyes shuttered against the world?
I hate that I wonder. I want to be happy with who I am and what I look like because it IS who I am and it can’t be changed. And I also believe it Shouldn’t be changed. I feel that it somehow is like hiding yourself if you change those things about you.
Yes, it’s fun to try new looks, different lengths of hair. Sure, different colors then too. Oh, more makeup. Maybe a little help to get into those jeans that look so good on everyone else... and maybe fill out that shirt a little more in a bountiful way. Firm up that face, and maybe pull some wrinkles straight, like a sheet.
I object to these. If I object, then why do I wonder? Who would I still be if I was taller, skinner, blonde with those glacier blue eyes? Or luminous green eyes, or those piercing yet mysterious gray that I read so much about.
It’s not the changing of the outside that bothers me, it’s what must be going on INSIDE that allows you to think that the outside must be bad and changed, like a flat tire, with no more thought than that.
Will your life be better? If you were taller, thinner, blonder, blue eyed? Maybe...
Would you be the same you? no. never.
Something inside has changed, twisted, made you feel that the most precious thing in the world wasn’t good enough. You, you are that most precious thing in the world and you are Exactly as you are meant to be.
Or so I tell myself. Doe eyes, chocolate chip, my brown eyed girl.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Hoddeok (Korean Street Food)
Since Seoul is a) a big city and b) Asian, there is a lot of street food. The most predominant street food on the street where we live is squid on a stick cooked directly on top of coals. It’s actually a smell I’ve come to appreciate.
Depending on the location and time of year there are lots of different street foods, most of them on a stick. I usually don’t eat street food, nothing about it looks sanitary and I’m a little paranoid about food borne ah.. disruptions.
But last Winter, I was invited out to see some historic temples and walk around Korea with a friend and a local Korean guide. As a treat our local guide took us to several local spots. One was a traditional Korean restaurant (I’ve had American Korean food and it was nothing like this, I didn’t even recognize anything or know if it was animal or vegetable), but I decided to be brave and try EVERYTHING on the table. And I did.
We then stopped at a street that was famous for having a ton of street food vendors. They had little tiny shop fronts (instead of carts) and there were tons of people in line at every shop, so I decided to just go for it again. I accepted the street food offered to me by our guide and was surprised because it was hot, sweet and delicious! It was Hoddeok, and brown sugar filled pancake thing.
I loved it and kept my eyes open for more the rest of the winter but none of the street food people near me were selling it. As it got warmer they stopped selling hot food and I gave up on ever having it again.
THEN I happened across a Korean woman’s blog who had a recipe for Hoddoek !!! apparently she made it for her kids all the time, and it was a common treat for house wives to make. I’ve never, let me repeat that NEVER baked from scratch like it was saying and I’ve never made dough, so it was a little intimidating. But I really wanted to see if I could make it, and I wanted to share the deliciousness with Justin so I set out and made a batch.
They were awesome. And exactly like I remembered them being. Be careful, they are hot and the liquid sugar inside is even hotter. The blog said to serve hot, but just heads up, not too hot. I re-worded the recipe, her English wasn’t the best (not the worst, but you have to be in the habit of translating), so here is the recipe. If you want to have authentic Korean street food without wondering if they washed their hands or if those car fumes can get cooked into food, here ya go!
Hoddeok
Korean street food
a flour dough pancake filled with sugar syrup
Dough:
2 TS dry yeast
1 cup warm water
1/2 TS salt
1 TBS vegetable oil
2 TBS white sugar
2 cups flour
Filling:
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 TS ground cinnamon
1) Combine
Yeast, Water, Salt, Vegetable Oil and Sugar
in a large mixing bowl, stir well
2) Add Flour and Mix to combine
3) cover bowl and let dough rise at room temperature for 1 hour
4) knead dough (flour as needed) and let rise for another 15 minutes
5) flour cutting board and knead dough again, shaping it into a log. Flatten log and cut dough into 8 equal pieces. Form balls, set aside.
6)FILLING: combine brown sugar and cinnamon in a separate small bowl
7) take one ball of dough at a time, flatten into palm size piece and fill center with approximately 1 TBS of filling, reform into a ball with filling in center, pinch to close. Flour as needed. Fill all dough balls, set aside.
8) Place nonstick pan over medium heat with a thin layer of vegetable oil in pan.
10) Place dough ball in pan cook for 30 seconds or until light golden brown on bottom
11) flip ball over and flatten with spatula (to about the size of a CD) let cook for 1 minute or until golden brown
12) flip over again and turn heat to low. Place lid on pan and let cook for 1 more minute.
Makes 8 Pancakes, keep finished pancakes covered until cooking is done, serve hot.
Depending on the location and time of year there are lots of different street foods, most of them on a stick. I usually don’t eat street food, nothing about it looks sanitary and I’m a little paranoid about food borne ah.. disruptions.
But last Winter, I was invited out to see some historic temples and walk around Korea with a friend and a local Korean guide. As a treat our local guide took us to several local spots. One was a traditional Korean restaurant (I’ve had American Korean food and it was nothing like this, I didn’t even recognize anything or know if it was animal or vegetable), but I decided to be brave and try EVERYTHING on the table. And I did.
We then stopped at a street that was famous for having a ton of street food vendors. They had little tiny shop fronts (instead of carts) and there were tons of people in line at every shop, so I decided to just go for it again. I accepted the street food offered to me by our guide and was surprised because it was hot, sweet and delicious! It was Hoddeok, and brown sugar filled pancake thing.
I loved it and kept my eyes open for more the rest of the winter but none of the street food people near me were selling it. As it got warmer they stopped selling hot food and I gave up on ever having it again.
THEN I happened across a Korean woman’s blog who had a recipe for Hoddoek !!! apparently she made it for her kids all the time, and it was a common treat for house wives to make. I’ve never, let me repeat that NEVER baked from scratch like it was saying and I’ve never made dough, so it was a little intimidating. But I really wanted to see if I could make it, and I wanted to share the deliciousness with Justin so I set out and made a batch.
They were awesome. And exactly like I remembered them being. Be careful, they are hot and the liquid sugar inside is even hotter. The blog said to serve hot, but just heads up, not too hot. I re-worded the recipe, her English wasn’t the best (not the worst, but you have to be in the habit of translating), so here is the recipe. If you want to have authentic Korean street food without wondering if they washed their hands or if those car fumes can get cooked into food, here ya go!
Hoddeok
Korean street food
a flour dough pancake filled with sugar syrup
Dough:
2 TS dry yeast
1 cup warm water
1/2 TS salt
1 TBS vegetable oil
2 TBS white sugar
2 cups flour
Filling:
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 TS ground cinnamon
1) Combine
Yeast, Water, Salt, Vegetable Oil and Sugar
in a large mixing bowl, stir well
2) Add Flour and Mix to combine
3) cover bowl and let dough rise at room temperature for 1 hour
4) knead dough (flour as needed) and let rise for another 15 minutes
5) flour cutting board and knead dough again, shaping it into a log. Flatten log and cut dough into 8 equal pieces. Form balls, set aside.
6)FILLING: combine brown sugar and cinnamon in a separate small bowl
7) take one ball of dough at a time, flatten into palm size piece and fill center with approximately 1 TBS of filling, reform into a ball with filling in center, pinch to close. Flour as needed. Fill all dough balls, set aside.
8) Place nonstick pan over medium heat with a thin layer of vegetable oil in pan.
10) Place dough ball in pan cook for 30 seconds or until light golden brown on bottom
11) flip ball over and flatten with spatula (to about the size of a CD) let cook for 1 minute or until golden brown
12) flip over again and turn heat to low. Place lid on pan and let cook for 1 more minute.
Makes 8 Pancakes, keep finished pancakes covered until cooking is done, serve hot.
Itaewon Global Village Festival
Saturday Justin and I were sitting in the living room when he asked if I heard a noise. I listened and thought it sounded like bagpipes! They weren’t, they were the Korean long horn drone thingy, but it’s in the genes to go in search of bagpipes if you hear them. So we hopped up, put on shoes and headed down to the main street where we live.
I’d forgotten there was going to be a festival. Itaewon is the “global village”, it has little brass plaques in the sidewalk every block or so with how to say 'Hello' in another language, I haven’t cataloged them all, but it seems to cover everything, even the pretty obscure languages. There are also tons of restaurants that claim to have different world foods, but it’s all cooked by Koreans so it pretty much all tastes the same. Besides the food, there are innumerable shops.
When I say shops, it’s not what Americans think of. There are several types of shops; the most obvious kind are the carts. They show up every afternoon and are reminiscent of gypsy carts, they have everything from socks and underwear to knock off purses and sunglasses. They fold up into closed rectangles that are then wheeled away (somewhere) for the night.
The second kind are the more normal shops, they have a sales floor, back storage rooms, clean window displays, etc. They are the most reminiscent of “American shops”, but half the time there are several floors of the same shop. I guess it’s cheaper to buy up.
The next kind seem to be the most naturally Korean. They are stuck in every possible corner, they are the size of large walk-in closets, there is no back room with extra stock, everything is hanging on the walls and ceiling so it looks like there are no walls, just stuff. Often the floors are not level and they usually just have a roll down metal door to close at night, but otherwise they are open on the front.
The last kind is the scariest and I don’t go into them alone. They are just normal shops, for Korea, but they are huge and maze-like with no way of telling how far they reach. They have normal shop fronts but the windows are so crowded with things that you can’t see into the store, once inside, the store keeps going back and back, or down into basements or up and up. I once went in one and came out a few streets away in the back ally. Every surface is packed with products, I’m betting they don’t have a back store room either. It’s also harder to walk away when the sales people get pushy (and they always do).
The remaining business on Iteawon are night clubs, I’ve never been out at night there, but we can hear the various clubs blasting their music every night of the week. And I pass numerous drunks still waking up the next morning having passed out from too much the night before.
There are always people out on the street too, I’ve never seen it deserted. There are two main subway stops at either end of the street, and the roadway is a popular and busy road. The people who drive scooters skip the roads and drive right on the sidewalk (which is narrowed considerably by all the gypsy carts). The main area on either side of the street has sidewalks, but if you go one block to either direction(and in all of Korea) it’s just a narrow one-way road that people drive two-ways on, drive scooters on, put their trash out on and expect people to walk on too.
ANYWAY, we heard music and went to see what it was. There were people lined up in the street like they were waiting to start a parade and the far end of the street was blocked off with a huge screen and lots of chairs. There were tons of people on the sidewalk and in the street (with only half of the traffic stopped I might add). There were at least eight policemen trying to control traffic at one intersection all blowing their whistles constantly. The people in the street were in various traditional costumes and most of them had either a drum or a gong and were (semi) rhythmically banging the shit of them. There was a huge knot of people crowed around the performance area and past them was the rest of the street with white tents set up on either side all the way down to the screen with the chairs.
I spotted a big gold dragon and we followed it trying to get a better view. It was one of those that was being held up by a dozen guys with sticks who would move their sticks and it looked like the dragon was undulating along. There were also two of the 2-man dragon dancers. I was pretty excited about the dragons, and I noticed that I could see pretty well (everyone in Asia being roughly the same height as me).
We followed the dragons past the big display area (where all the performers stopped to perform in front of one set of bleachers), and down into the tent area. Most of the tents were empty and the rest had food from the surrounding restaurants. I thought it was a little silly because the restaurants were right along the street. It was like having a BBQ in your front yard when the kitchen is just one room over, except that's a bad example because it's fun to have BBQs. Anyway, we walked along the street (this section being closed to traffic minus the occasional scooter) and looked at all the booths, most of them were Korean food booths. Odd since this was a global village festival, but those were the most popular booths.
The odd thing about the parade was that they didn't have the street blocked off with police tape or saw-horses or anything, AND the people didn't stay on the sidewalk. So the volunteers in the bright yellow vests were constantly telling people to step back so the parade could squeeze through. All in all it was a huge mass of noise and whistles, gongs and drums and an announcer on a loud speaker only speaking in Korean and people wandering around in the street that was only half blocked off from traffic while the parade of performers were trying to get through.
We saw everything there was to see that night and went home to dinner.
The next day was Sunday and we had to go to the grocery store, we were out of cat food and milk plus a bunch of other things, but those two items are my cue to go. The only problem was, the street was still blocked off by the festival. So Justin and I walked to the store, bought our groceries, packed our carefully selected food into our backpacks and started the trek home. It had been a little cold the day before but on Sunday the sun was out and it was warm and there were millions of little tiny flies out en mass. At first I thought they were ash falling from all the outdoor cooking, that's how fine they were. But soon we saw they were flies, and they were everywhere. They got into your mouth, your eyes and nose, they stuck to your skin. They were the whole length of the festival route, we cut up to a side street and there were fewer flies, but when we got home we had to shower to get them all off us. I took off my shirt and they were stuck to the skin of my stomach. Weird.
That was Halloween weekend, the Koreans don't do anything for Halloween and this was the first year that I didn't either. I did buy a candy bucket (it's a black cat face) and some candy in case we got any trick-or-treaters (or so I told myself) but we didn't get any. Oh no, I guess I'll have to eat the candy myself.
I’d forgotten there was going to be a festival. Itaewon is the “global village”, it has little brass plaques in the sidewalk every block or so with how to say 'Hello' in another language, I haven’t cataloged them all, but it seems to cover everything, even the pretty obscure languages. There are also tons of restaurants that claim to have different world foods, but it’s all cooked by Koreans so it pretty much all tastes the same. Besides the food, there are innumerable shops.
When I say shops, it’s not what Americans think of. There are several types of shops; the most obvious kind are the carts. They show up every afternoon and are reminiscent of gypsy carts, they have everything from socks and underwear to knock off purses and sunglasses. They fold up into closed rectangles that are then wheeled away (somewhere) for the night.
The second kind are the more normal shops, they have a sales floor, back storage rooms, clean window displays, etc. They are the most reminiscent of “American shops”, but half the time there are several floors of the same shop. I guess it’s cheaper to buy up.
The next kind seem to be the most naturally Korean. They are stuck in every possible corner, they are the size of large walk-in closets, there is no back room with extra stock, everything is hanging on the walls and ceiling so it looks like there are no walls, just stuff. Often the floors are not level and they usually just have a roll down metal door to close at night, but otherwise they are open on the front.
The last kind is the scariest and I don’t go into them alone. They are just normal shops, for Korea, but they are huge and maze-like with no way of telling how far they reach. They have normal shop fronts but the windows are so crowded with things that you can’t see into the store, once inside, the store keeps going back and back, or down into basements or up and up. I once went in one and came out a few streets away in the back ally. Every surface is packed with products, I’m betting they don’t have a back store room either. It’s also harder to walk away when the sales people get pushy (and they always do).
The remaining business on Iteawon are night clubs, I’ve never been out at night there, but we can hear the various clubs blasting their music every night of the week. And I pass numerous drunks still waking up the next morning having passed out from too much the night before.
There are always people out on the street too, I’ve never seen it deserted. There are two main subway stops at either end of the street, and the roadway is a popular and busy road. The people who drive scooters skip the roads and drive right on the sidewalk (which is narrowed considerably by all the gypsy carts). The main area on either side of the street has sidewalks, but if you go one block to either direction(and in all of Korea) it’s just a narrow one-way road that people drive two-ways on, drive scooters on, put their trash out on and expect people to walk on too.
ANYWAY, we heard music and went to see what it was. There were people lined up in the street like they were waiting to start a parade and the far end of the street was blocked off with a huge screen and lots of chairs. There were tons of people on the sidewalk and in the street (with only half of the traffic stopped I might add). There were at least eight policemen trying to control traffic at one intersection all blowing their whistles constantly. The people in the street were in various traditional costumes and most of them had either a drum or a gong and were (semi) rhythmically banging the shit of them. There was a huge knot of people crowed around the performance area and past them was the rest of the street with white tents set up on either side all the way down to the screen with the chairs.
I spotted a big gold dragon and we followed it trying to get a better view. It was one of those that was being held up by a dozen guys with sticks who would move their sticks and it looked like the dragon was undulating along. There were also two of the 2-man dragon dancers. I was pretty excited about the dragons, and I noticed that I could see pretty well (everyone in Asia being roughly the same height as me).
We followed the dragons past the big display area (where all the performers stopped to perform in front of one set of bleachers), and down into the tent area. Most of the tents were empty and the rest had food from the surrounding restaurants. I thought it was a little silly because the restaurants were right along the street. It was like having a BBQ in your front yard when the kitchen is just one room over, except that's a bad example because it's fun to have BBQs. Anyway, we walked along the street (this section being closed to traffic minus the occasional scooter) and looked at all the booths, most of them were Korean food booths. Odd since this was a global village festival, but those were the most popular booths.
The odd thing about the parade was that they didn't have the street blocked off with police tape or saw-horses or anything, AND the people didn't stay on the sidewalk. So the volunteers in the bright yellow vests were constantly telling people to step back so the parade could squeeze through. All in all it was a huge mass of noise and whistles, gongs and drums and an announcer on a loud speaker only speaking in Korean and people wandering around in the street that was only half blocked off from traffic while the parade of performers were trying to get through.
We saw everything there was to see that night and went home to dinner.
The next day was Sunday and we had to go to the grocery store, we were out of cat food and milk plus a bunch of other things, but those two items are my cue to go. The only problem was, the street was still blocked off by the festival. So Justin and I walked to the store, bought our groceries, packed our carefully selected food into our backpacks and started the trek home. It had been a little cold the day before but on Sunday the sun was out and it was warm and there were millions of little tiny flies out en mass. At first I thought they were ash falling from all the outdoor cooking, that's how fine they were. But soon we saw they were flies, and they were everywhere. They got into your mouth, your eyes and nose, they stuck to your skin. They were the whole length of the festival route, we cut up to a side street and there were fewer flies, but when we got home we had to shower to get them all off us. I took off my shirt and they were stuck to the skin of my stomach. Weird.
That was Halloween weekend, the Koreans don't do anything for Halloween and this was the first year that I didn't either. I did buy a candy bucket (it's a black cat face) and some candy in case we got any trick-or-treaters (or so I told myself) but we didn't get any. Oh no, I guess I'll have to eat the candy myself.
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